Freshmen Snapshot

As I stated in my source showcase and my GREAT Day presentation, I like snapshot moments. I’m an observer over a participator, so I find pleasure in merely taking in the world around me. However, in poetry, I typically struggle with the concrete, seeing as I often get swept away in the emotions I’m feeling and trying to convey. Because this obstacle has been brought to light, I’ve been attempting to incorporate more solid imagery in my poems.

A poem I wrote was included in my GREAT Day presentation, which I called “Freshmen”. In it, I attempted to create a snapshot moment of a memory with my three friends at an event here in school. I wanted to reflect how we were in that moment and how memory sticks. It’s still in its first draft, but this is it:

Freshmen

 

were this moment a polaroid, i would pin it

to the wall with a blue thumbtack, so i could

always look at it and touch it with tender fingertips.

i always want to remember this moment, where we exist

solely as childish 18 year olds who have forgotten that

we are adults and your foot is planted against the hardwood

floor, hand reaching out to grip toby’s shirt as he sprints,

eyes wide in terror, mouth wide, while mitt scowls at you.

you’re making a ruckus and people are looking and i’m trying

not to laugh because then they’ll know i’m with you, but i’m

not sure i care anymore because i’m laughing too hard and this

is what I want to remember when i think of you and toby and mitt

and when i think back to what it was like to be a freshman in college.

One Reply to “Freshmen Snapshot”

  1. Hey Alexa!
    Sometimes I feel like I have the opposite problem, I can tell a concrete story but I fail to convey the emotions. I think your poem is dizzying, I felt like I was literally spinning- I think your end stops helped achieve that. Additionally I think your reaction to the spectacle of your friends really places the reader in the moment. To work on concrete language, I would tighten up the prose to paint as clear a picture as possible. What are the people in the “polaroid” doing? You mention “terror” and “scowling.” What has caused this? I would keep how latter portion of your reaction.

    Also between polaroids popping up in my source showcase and polaroids making their way into your and David’s recent poetry, I’ve been noticing mine a lot more. I have close to 50 polaroids on my wall and they all range so vastly in color and quality that they make me notice things about the picture that weren’t necessarily supposed to be in this “snap shot”. But yeah, I initially feared my purchase of a polaroid camera as registering too basic-white-girl but fuck it, it’s been a source of fun and concentration to focus one shot with no re-dos. And it reminds me how much I love to capture memorable moments.

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